Mastering coexistence while working from home as a couple

In early March 2020, the global COVID-19 pandemic forced massive changes for nonessential businesses. Suddenly, many workers shifted from in-person meetings to virtual ones. Even with commercial spaces beginning to reopen and people going back to the office, many are still finding their calendars peppered with days of working from home. 

Learning to thrive in a work environment where the lines are blurred between personal and professional duties is a big adjustment on its own. But there’s added complexity for couples who may now spend 24 hours a day with each other due to social-distancing requirements.

For my wife and I, this hasn’t been completely uncharted territory. She’s always worked from home, and prior to the coronavirus outbreak, I did as well, about 50% of the time. And we don’t just share space, we also work together in the same business, one that I started 7 years ago.

We’ve learned how to work and live extremely closely together, all while maintaining a healthy relationship and a thriving business. We can do it all successfully now, but only after several years of trial and error.

If you find yourself suddenly living and working from home with a spouse or partner, feel free to use our lessons learned to better navigate the transition.

Boundaries are critical for maintaining healthy relationships. When you’re both working from home, you need to establish your boundaries with each other as well as with your work.

Some boundaries to consider setting include:

• A clear schedule around your work times, so the other person can understand and respect your routines and work hours.
• A dedicated workspace for each of you, which you’re each responsible for maintaining and cleaning up.
• Agreed-upon roles for personal tasks, which may need to be re-evaluated now that you’re both working from home and sharing the same space at the same time.
• A specific time when you will stop working each day, as well as specific times you can dedicate your attention and focus to each other and your personal relationship. Keep in mind there are always exceptions, like if a boss calls you into a meeting unexpectedly, for example.

Unlike There are clear consequences at work for blowing up at your manager or making inappropriate remarks to your teammate. The consequences for taking stress out on a partner are far more nuanced, complex and ambiguous, but that shouldn’t be an excuse.

Respectful communication when you and your partner both work from home takes discipline and effort. To master it, consider this golden rule: prioritize speaking to your spouse with the same respect, compassion and consideration that you would give to any other team member in your regular workspace.

Sometimes, when emotions run high, that means walking away instead of picking a fight. It also means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and not assuming bad intentions. Avoiding blame and certainly shame are critical aspects of more productive communication, too.

Don’t leave laptops, paperwork, briefcases, notebooks and other work materials out after you’re done for the day. Pack away reminders of your work until the next workday.

This not only helps serve as a signal to yourself and to each other about when your working time is officially at an end for the day, but it also helps conserve mental energy and reduce stress. If you leave your work stuff out, you’ll find your mind constantly wanders back to unanswered emails, incomplete tasks and upcoming meetings.